The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't
by melanie39
Summary: Seth does not want to celebrate Chrismukkah. Ryan and the Cohens are worried.


Written for the Chrismukkah fic challenge at Live Journal

This was Famous99's Chrismukkah request…

**PAIRING/CHARACTERS:** Cohens + 1, Summer (Marissa can be in Tahiti for all I care.)  
**PREFERRED LENGTH:**A long one-shot works fine.  
**SCENARIO and PLOT:** Seth decides to give up Chrismukkah.  
**RATING:** PG, PG-13  
**SMUT:** no.  
**SPECIFICS:** I'd rather this was more Cohens + 1centric rather than Seth/Summer centric. How do the Cohens get Seth too care again. Why he wants to give it up how everything happens is up to you.  
**QUOTE:** "This year, I'm sort of meh about Chrismukkah."

Um, so I tried to make it all about Seth. Really, I did. But, uh, somehow it's all about Ryan…sorry Famous. Please forgive me. Also, this is a kind of lame story.

The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't

It wasn't Seth's quietness that worried Ryan, although that was a concern. It was more the fact that it was already December twelfth and there'd been no mention of Chrismukkah, not even a passing quip. Not even an "Are you gonna save Chrismukkah again" jibe at Summer.

Now Ryan knew, because Seth had always told him so, that Chrismukkah had twice the resistance of a normal holiday. And Ryan had believed him. He hadn't thought anything could dampen Seth's enthusiasm for the only superholiday known to man (or at least the Cohens and their nearest and dearest. Not even the discovery of an illegitimate half aunt dating his pseudo brother had affected Seth's ability to celebrate Chrismukkah in the manner to which he felt it should be celebrated If anything, Ryan would swearit had only served to encourage him more.

Ryan sat his lunch tray down on the table. Summer looked up from inspecting her nails.

"Hey, Chino, how was physics?"

"Ah, you know, pretty cool." Ryan pulled open the plastic lid of his pre packed salad.

"Cool? Physics? Ew!" Summer's nose screwed up with distaste. You're so weird, Chino. I don't think I've ever heard you complain about school. You're such a grown up."

Ryan shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, you didn't spend half of high school at Chino Hills." He replied pointedly. "Besides, I don't want to waste the opportunity the Cohens are giving me, they pay a lot to keep me at this school. The least I can do is try to appreciate it."

Summer smiled at him fondly. "I know, and I bet they're really proud of how well you're doing. It's a pity that bony assed friend of yours doesn't take school more seriously. He's got detention again today. That's like, his third in a month."

Ryan picked at the salad with his fork.

"Yeah, I heard. He's really going through it."

Summer's face was full of pity.

"This thing with his mom is really hurting him, isn't it."

Ryan slouched back in his seat. What sort of friend was he being? Seth was hurting and HE was doing his level best to pretend like everything was OK. There was no barging in on Seth at five thirty in the morning to demand he talked. There was no hauling him down to the diner and forcefeeding him a short stack. And Ryan knew that if this were the other way around, Seth wouldn't let it rest. It would be black curly hair at dawn, brown eyes insistent, demanding a response.

Ryan wasn't sure if Sandy had noticed Seth's mood or not. The man was so worn down himself, Ryan doubted it. Sandy was like a ship without an anchor, drifting along, killing time until the next Tuesday or Friday arrived.

"Have you seen her?" Summer's voice broke into his contemplations.

"Who?" He looked at her blankly.

"Kirsten, who else? This whole thing is all her fault, after all." Ryan had never heard Summer spit out words so venomously.

"Come on, Summer, she's sick. It's an illness, remember."

Summer looked shamefaced. "I know. It's just, you know, I want the Seth I love back."

"I know, me too. And no, I haven't seen her." Ryan dropped his head, avoiding the perplexed look on Summer's face. How could he admit to her that he was still struggling himself with the whole intervention thing? How could he tell her that Kirsten's words still haunted him, five months later, and that he'd convinced himself that letting Sandy and Seth visit Kirsten alone was because they needed time with her alone, and not because he was too scared to face her himself.

"Hey, guys." Seth lay his tray down next to Ryan's and poked at his lunch with an air of distaste. Summer glanced over at Ryan uneasily. Things must be bad if Seth wasn't into his tuna melt.

"So, Cohen, what are you doing this weekend? Heading off to South Coast Plaza? Doing a little _shopping_?" Summer's pointed emphasis of the word "shopping" failed to register with Seth.

Ryan, still slouched in his seat, raised his eyebrows at his friend.

"Really, man? You know, I could come with you if you wanted. We could check out the comic book store, grab one of those pumpkin spiced lattes you like, get us into the Chrismukkah spirit?" He threw in this last remark hesitantly and waited for a reaction. He got one.

"Yeah, no offense, Ryan but you're kind of a drag at the mall. All you do is roll your eyes about how expensive everything is, and make me feel bad. Besides, I think I'm gonna give Chrismukkah a pass this year."

Summer sat up smartly. "Give it a miss? Cohen, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm just feeling kind of "meh" about Chrismukkah this year, Summer."

"That's all very well, Cohen, but who's going to help me pick out the perfect tree?"

Seth shrugged and nodded in Ryan's direction. "I'm sure Marissa and Ryan will help you. Ryan's much better with the whole heavy lifting thing anyway."

At any other time, Ryan would have smirked at this last remark, but one glance at his friend confirmed that he seriously wasn't interested.

Ryan sat up. "Uh, yeah, I guess But look, man, this is your favorite holiday. I know it won't be the same without your mom at home, but it's not like you won't get to see her, and think how she'll feel if she finds out you're boycotting Chrismukkah."

Seth dug his fork into his sandwich, pulling out long strings of melted cheese with the prongs and twisting them idly.

"I'm not boycotting Chrismukkah. I just need a break from it. It takes a lot of planning to get it right. I'm gonna do the whole "farming the land for six years and letting it lie dormant on the seventh thing. It'll be back next year, bigger and better than ever, you'll see."

Ryan and Summer exchanged looks. Seth was saying all the right things, but somehow it still sounded all wrong.

"Listen, I gotta go. I have some studying to do in the library."

Summer looked at Seth and then at his plate. "But you haven't finished your lunch…"

"Yeah, I'm not that hungry. You two share it…"

* * *

Ryan hung his towel round his neck, and shut the bathroom door behind him. Sandy sat in the chair by the pool house doors, appearing to be reading the morning paper. Ryan racked his brain to think what he might have done which would warrant a Sandy Cohen lecture, but coming up blank, he went and sat on the corner of the bed. Sandy watched him out of the corner of his eye.

"This is about Seth, right?"

Sandy folded his paper and eyed Ryan seriously.

"I'm worried about him."

"Me too."

"It's the middle of December and no mention of Chrismukkah."

"I know. I was just coming to see you about it."

"Has he said anything to you?"

Ryan hesitated. He didn't want to offload this on Sandy. Sandy was as unhappy as Seth. Then again, this wasn't something he felt he could deal with on his own, and for once he was going to do as Sandy asked so often, he was going to talk to him.

"Well, he says he's not doing Chrismukkah this year. Something about taking the year off, and bringing it back bigger and better next year."

Sandy's eyebrows furrowed.

"Do you buy that?"

"No, do you?"

Sandy shook his head dismissively.

"It's his mother, isn't it? I thought he understood why she feels she can't come home just yet."

Ryan shrugged. "I think he does. Doesn't mean he has to like it though."

Sandy swept his hand through the untidy mess of his hair. He really needed a haircut. Somehow, he just hadn't got around to it.

Ryan leaned forward, suddenly earnest.

"Sandy, he doesn't care if she's not the perfect mom. He just wants her home."

Sandy reflected over his conversation with Ryan, later, at the office. Mixed up with all the emotion and worry about his own son, it struck him again, as it had done in the pool house, what it must have been like for Ryan to have to let go of his own mother. He never said anything about her. He'd overheard the odd sarcastic comment flit between him and Trey last summer, but nothing had ever made him stop and think just what Ryan must have felt about her. It was easy to believe they'd lifted him out of a living hell, and put him into a fairytale life. It wasn't so easy to accept that Ryan had left people behind that he loved. The thought made Sandy uncomfortable. Thinking about Dawn reminded him only too well of that other issue he had been avoiding, an issue he knew he'd have to tackle with Ryan sooner rather than later.

Sandy looked at the wrapped bagel sitting on his desk, perched between two photo frames, one of Kirsten, looking radiant, at her father's Christmas party two years ago, the other of Ryan and Seth, taken the night he and Kirsten had celebrated their twentieth anniversary at the Bait Shop. He picked up the photo of the boys and studied it carefully.

He set the photo frame back in its position and reached over for the phone.

"Gina, can you put me through to Suriak?"

Most of the staff at The Newport Group, whatever their private thoughts were, accepted the official version explaining Kirsten's absence, that she was on an extended European trip researching eighteenth century architecture. Gina, however, was the one person who was privy to Kirsten's real whereabouts.

"I have Dr Woodruff on line one for you, Sandy."

Sandy put the call on speaker and leaned back in his swivel chair.

"Dr Woodruff, good of you to take my call."

"No problem, Sandy. As I said before, our work at Suriak is to help the whole family. You and your sons are just as important to us as Kirsten is."

"How is she today?"

"Good. She seems more positive, she's talking about when she comes home, rather than avoiding the subject entirely."

"Is there any chance that she'll be home before Christmas?" Sandy could hear the desperation in his own voice and the silence that followed screamed out at him.

"Sandy, look, we've already talked about this. Yes, she's doing well and if it were up to me, she could leave tomorrow. But it's not up to me, it's her decision, and we need to respect that. In fact, I have something that is concerning me more than her reluctance to leave."

Sandy sighed. He knew what was coming.

"You mean about Ryan."

"I know you said he'd had a lot to deal with, but his absence isn't helping. Kirsten makes excuses for him not visiting, but I know, deep down, she's worrying about it."

"I know, I know. And I'm going to talk to him."

* * *

He sat in the chair in front of the pool house doors for the second morning in a row. Ryan emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped round his waist, his hair tousled and damp from the shower. He stopped short when he saw Sandy. Twice in two days? He had the uneasy feeling that he wasn't going to be so lucky today. Today wasn't going to be about Seth.

"You got a minute?"

"Do I get to say no?"

"No."

"Well then, I have a minute."

"Good. Sit down."

Ryan did as he was told.

"I need to talk to you about Kirsten."

Ryan sucked his lower lip in and lowered his head, avoiding his guardian's eyes. Sandy sighed and stood up.

"This is my fault. I should have dealt with this weeks ago."

"No, it's my fault, Sandy. Kirsten wrote to me and apologized and I still haven't been to see her. I should have."

Sandy shook his head dismissively.

"I know what she said was a terrible thing, Ryan. There's no excuse, she knows that. You know she wishes she could take those words back."

Ryan remained silent. He didn't want to make things more difficult for Kirsten, really he didn't, but he just couldn't get past it. It wasn't that he didn't believe her when she said she hadn't meant what she said, he knew she'd felt attacked, vulnerable, that she would say anything to lash out at the people who were hurting her. But it kept replaying in his headand he couldn't get it to stop, and every time it played it upset him even more, to the point where he couldn't bear the thought of seeing her, that one look at her would take him right back to that day, to a time he just wanted to black out from his memory and forget. Every time he tried to tell himself he was being stupid, he'd resolve to ask Sandy if he could join them on their next visit, and then he'd chicken out at the last minute.

Sandy tried a different tack.

"You know you stunned her, don't you, when you told her you loved her?"

Ryan's head shot up, despite himself. Sandy smiled at his obvious discomfort.

"Yeah, don't think she didn't notice. I did.**"**

Sandy hesitated briefly.

"Look, kid, I don't want to lay a guilt trip on you. God knows you can do that all on

your own, but Kirsten's feeling like you laid yourself on the line to her, and she let you down badly. She'd like a chance to set things straight, face to face."

* * *

Ryan's elbow rested against the open window frame of the Rover. It was Saturday afternoon, and despite the fact that it was mid December, the sun beat down strongly on his arm as he cruised along the freeway. Kirsten knew he was on his way, and that he was coming alone. He'd figured, after all this time, that he at least owed her that much, a chance for them to build bridges without Seth's babble and Sandy's earnestness getting in the way. Besides, he needed to talk to Kirsten about more than just their own issues. He glanced at the road sign ahead, and realized, from Sandy's instructions, that he was at the correct turn off for Suriak.

She was waiting for him in the garden; a sun trapped oasis, where the flowers were perfect, and the people wandering amongst their vibrant blooms pretended to be. Ryan smiled ruefully to himself; this was much like Newport, where you had to look beneath the surface to see everything for what it truly was. Sometimes he wished things were more like Chino, where at least no one pretended. What you saw was what it was.

As she spotted him walking along the path towards her, Kirsten lay down the magazine she had been browsing and waved excitedly. He noted how well she looked, and inside he realized how relieved he was, that he and Sandy, and Hailey and Seth, had in fact, made the right decision all those months ago.

She stood up to greet him, a broad smile on her face, only her eyes betraying the anxiety she felt, and pulled him to her. He wrapped his arms around her automatically and allowed her to hug him tightly.

As she stood back, she brushed at her eyes briefly.

"Ryan, it's so good to see you. Here, come and sit with me." She sat back down in her

chair and patted one next to her in invitation. "Someone will bring us some tea." She

laughed at his face and added, "Well, some coffee for you then…"

Ryan sat back awkwardly, unsure what he should say. He'd lived with this woman and her family for almost two years, but now he was as tongue tied as he'd been that first night in the pool house. Thankfully, Kirsten took the lead and leaned forward, taking his hands in hers. He looked up into her eyes.

"I just want…"

"I wanted to…"

They burst out laughing, as their words entangled together.

"Let me…" she asked, still holding onto his hands firmly. "Ryan, I'm sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

"I know," he interrupted nervously, "and I should have come to see you after you wrote me that letter. I was just…."

"It's OK, Ryan, trust me, I get it. I'm just so glad you're here now. I thought maybe I

was one person too many to have let you down. I wasn't sure you'd ever be able to

forgive me."

Ryan shook his head.

"Kirsten, nobody's perfect, least of all me, and I have so much to thank you and Sandy for…"

"That's not the point, Ryan. When we agreed to be your guardians, we took on the

responsibility of protecting you, and I can't believe it was one of us who ended up doing this to you." She watched him as he fiddled with his watch strap. "But, you know, having said that, I can't undo the past. I can't change what I said or how I behaved. All I can do is beg your forgiveness and ask if we can start over."

She waited for a response.

"I'd really like that," he mumbled, "and, just so you know….I only didn't come and see you because I was…."

"Afraid?" Kirsten suggested, tentatively. He nodded, his face flushing.

"Yeah, I guess. Of course, now that I've done it, I feel a whole lot better…"

Kirsten smiled at him fondly.

"That's something I've learnt a lot during these last few months. Confront your fears,

don't run away from them."

Ryan shot her a look. "And?" he asked pointedly.

She smiled again, her eyes suddenly serious.

"I think it's working…"

"So…coming home?" Ryan had heard all about how Dr Woodruff had said that as far as he was concerned, Kirsten was ready to take the plunge and return home, but that she herself did not feel so confident.

Kirsten eyed him balefully. She figured she'd let herself in for that comment.

"Well, coming home IS my biggest fear, yes." She shrugged. "I just want to be sure that I'll never let you guys down again, ever."

Ryan sat back in his seat and folded his arms, eying Kirsten speculatively.

"You know, you can't say that'll never happen. Life isn't like that."

Kirsten nodded.

"I know, and as you said, nobody's perfect. But I still want to be as sure as I can be…"

"And what if we need you now?" Ryan asked shortly.

Kirsten leaned forward again in her seat, her face suddenly etched with worry.

"I don't understand. I thought you were all OK. Is there something Sandy hasn't told

me? Is it Seth? Sandy told him he was doing pretty well."

Ryan thought for a moment. It sounded a little stupid to just say that Seth didn't want to celebrate Chrismukkah.

"He is, I guess. It's just, well, he really misses you."

Kirsten wasn't about to be put off by this comment. Of course Seth would miss her. She missed him. She missed them all. But Ryan meant more than he was saying.

"You're not telling me the whole story, are you? What is it you think I need to know, Ryan?"

Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This had seemed like a fairly reasonable idea

back in the pool house. Now he was really hoping he wasn't about to force Kirsten to do something that would wreck the rest of her rehabilitation.

"Look, it sounds kind of lame to say this, but Seth doesn't want to celebrate

Chrismukkah this year."

Kirsten's eyes grew wide.

"But it's his favorite holiday!"

Ryan shrugged sheepishly. "Maybe not so much when his mom's not around to share it?

Ryan continued hurriedly with a rush of explanations.

"Not that he actually said that. It's just, you know, there've been some detentions at school, and other stuff…" He waved his hand vaguely.

"And his dad hasn't noticed, huh?"

Ryan looked apologetic. "He kind of has, but I think he's struggling a lot himself, you know?"

He bit his lip, unsure whether he'd said the right thing. The last thing he wanted was to put Kirsten in the position where she thought she had no choice other than to come home. Then again, from what he'd heard from Sandy, maybe this was just the impetus she needed.

* * *

Ryan and Sandy looked around the family room appreciatively. Lights twinkled merrily from the giant Christmas tree that adorned the center of the room, stockings

hung from the fireplace, cinnamon spiced candles lay dotted around, perfuming the air.

"I think we've done pretty well, Ryan, if I do say so myself! That tree Summer picked out is beautiful."

"Yeah, I guess it was worth the four hours I spent trailing after her yesterday."

"Consider yourself lucky Ryan. I had to spend four hours keeping Seth amused by pretending to be interested in the differing styles of comic book writers…" Ryan laughed, and agreed that he had probably got the better end of the deal.

Sandy glanced at his watch. "OK, we're all done here. I've ordered the Chinese food for a seven o'clock delivery. That gives me just enough time."

Ryan nodded. "OK, I'll have Seth here for seven."

"Where is he now?"

"Summer's dragging him around the mall. She had a rage blackout, and told him that just because he wasn't celebrating Chrismukkah himself, he better not think that he could get away with not buying her a gift!"

Sandy grinned. "Thank goodness we have Summer to keep that kid in check! Right, I'm leaving, just make sure you keep him away from the house until seven…"

"Yeah, Summer's going to insist he takes her to the diner on their way home, for an eggnog latte. She's going to call me from there."

* * *

"Hey,man!"

"Hey, Ryan, how'd you know I was here?" Ryan slid into the booth opposite Seth.

"Lucky guess. How'd the shopping go?" Seth looked glum and wrapped his hands around his latte.

"I'm totally broke. Summer insisted I had to buy gifts for everyone. And since I'm not into the whole gift wrapping thing this year, she made me pay extra for the wrapping service."

"That sucks**."**

"Yeah, I'm really feeling your sympathy, Ryan. So, what are you doing here?

Thought you'd be at home with my dad, roasting chestnuts or something…"

Ryan rolled his eyes. Seth could cut such a pathetic figure sometimes. No wonder the water polo team peed in his shoes.

"I've come to drag your sorry ass back home, is why I'm here."

Seth stirred his drink idly.

"Yeah, not happening , buddy. I told you, Ryan, I'm not celebrating Chrismukkah. You and Dad go ahead, I'm just going to spend the evening here. I have new comic books, I have my iPod, I have chilli fries on tap…"

"Yeah, I see that. But here's the thing, buddy. Your dad wants you home. I think his words were 'you can tell Seth from me that two months detention will seem like a breeze after the grounding I'll give him if he's not home by seven o'clock'."

Ryan waited expectantly, his arms folded.

Seth picked up his comic books with an air of resignation.

"Pouting isn't going to help," Ryan added, for good measure.

"You're allowed to brood, but I can't pout?"

"I only ever brood for good reason."

"Pouting because my father is treating me like a kid isn't a good reason?"

"Maybe if you didn't pout, your dad would think you were a grown up?"

* * *

Ryan pushed Seth, protesting, through the front door. He'd already made several sarcastic comments about the large wreath adorning the front door, and the colored lights strung up across the driveway. Ryan began to wonder why he and Sandy had even bothered. The boys walked through the kitchen, where Seth pointedly ignored the three places set, a yarmaclaus perched in the center of each plate. Scowling, he marched through to the family room and flung himself down on the sofa, his arms folded defiantly. His father may be able to force him into this family gathering but he couldn't make him enjoy it. Sandy turned round from lighting the candles above the fireplace and grinned at his son.

"Seth, you're back, great. We can start the festivities."

Seth looked at his father, appalled.

"What was it you didn't understand about me not celebrating Chrismukkah, Dad? Did I not make it clear? God, I just wish, for once, you'd respect my decisions…"

"Just because you don't want to celebrate, the rest of the family shouldn't be made to suffer…"

"The rest of the family, Dad? Who? Do you mean you and Ryan? Because who else is there, Dad? Grandpa's dead, the Nana's living her second youth in Miami, and Mom's miles away, maybe never coming back…" Seth sat forward, leaning his elbows on his knees, and cupped his hands in his chin.

"This isn't how Chrismukkah's supposed to be," he added, bitterly.

"No, Chrismukkah is your mom and dad and you and Ryan, eating Chinese food and watching Over the Top together…"

Seth swivelled round and blinked, wide eyed.

"Mom?"

"Merry Chrismukkah, Seth!" Kirsten stood at the doorway, brandishing two grocery bags and a DVD case.

Ryan and Sandy grinned at each other in mutual congratulation and watched as Seth went over to hug his mother tightly. He murmured into her shoulder.

"But mom, I thought you weren't ready to come home yet?"

Kirsten ruffled her son's dark curls affectionately.

"Well, I figured being with my family when they need me most is more important."

Kirsten pushed Seth away gently and cast her eyes around the room. She put her hands on her hips and looked over at Sandy and Ryan, looking on smugly from the corner of the room.

"So? See how well they managed without us, Seth?"

"Yeah," Seth agreed. "Think how much bigger and better Chrismukkah will be next year when we have all _four_ of us working with Jesus and Moses….."

**The End**


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